Fighting Closed Doors
by Iselia
Summary: Years after their last meeting, Rory seeks out Jess. But the years can change a person...Literati. Chapters 5 & 6 uploaded 5:50pm AEST, 21/9/02.
1. Chapter One

Authors Name : Iselia Disclaimer: All items unique to the Gilmore Girls are not owned by me. I hold no rights to them. Rating: PG-13 Notes: I'm Australian, and all I know about New York is what I've read, or the snippets my brother has told me. I don't know how much a taxi costs and so forth. Any corrections or advice would be greatly appreciated.  
  
A wad of folded letters, held by an ancient, stiff rubber band sat nestled in the shoebox. Letters from Rory. Letters to him. Jess and Rory had been friends while he lived in Stars Hollow. Even after he moved home to New York, letters and phonecalls had been regular, rather then occasional. But four years of college, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers and fathers had changed that. Jess was moving. The lease on the miserable apartment was up in three days, and he had the bulk of his belongings packed and in the somewhat decent, even nice, apartment he now called home. Everything except a large drawer he kept memories and things in. Girlie things, really, he thought. Kept letters, cards, photos. Even the occasional ticket stub from a great football game or a particularly breathtaking concert. Good books, the writing in the margin smudged and nearly illegible.  
  
The shoebox had been sitting in the back. Rory's Letters was written neatly on the top. Marissa had packed them up when she lived with him for six months. The second ex-girlfriend. The letters were innocent, deemed harmless, and so they had been allowed to survive. Letters, love letters even, from a girl who had him long before they were there, had been declared safe. And, he supposed, they were. Nothing had ever happened. Innuendo, and tension-filled moments had existed between them, but there were always barriers. Some small, some insurmountable. And then, he'd given up. The letters came, and the more he wanted to write back, the less he had to say. So he stopped writing. Soon, she stopped writing too. The pain lessened gradually, and he started to move on.  
  
The letters he'd sent back weren't nearly as long. But they had as much feeling behind them. Sometimes he just sent back 'Wish you were here' postcards with his name written on the back. Sometimes, he just rang her. He took one of her last letters from the top. It always reminded him of a wife crying at her husbands grave. It was so openly begging for him to write back. His reply, scratched onto book of carbon paper, was tucked next to it.  
  
It was a nothing letter, a crap letter. An emotionless waste of paper. And, worse still, it had felt good. Rory was killing him, torturing him with her letters. He couldn't move past it all when she kept dragging him back into that world. Briefly, he closed his eyes. Took a long breath and returned the lid to the box. The box went into a larger box, taped, its destination and contents written on the top like a flashing sign. And he closed the door on his old life once more. 


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: All characters, events, situations you recognise from the Gilmore Girls are not owned by myself. Notes: Again, I know little of New York, costs, etcetera. Any corrections would be great.  
  
  
  
Rory stared out the window. It was drizzling. Not raining, but not just overcast. Drizzle. It was pathetic, misery-inducing. The bus eased to a stop at the terminus, gas brakes hissing and the gears groaning. Along with the other passengers, their faces all a similar mask of depression, she shuffled off the bus, collected her luggage and eased herself into a cab. She recited the address on the scrap of paper to the driver. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the drive.  
  
She had no idea where she was going. She'd never been there before, and wasn't even sure whether he would be there. But it was worth the risk, worth the awkwardness and embarrassment. This was Jess. It was time to face the music.  
  
The driver braked suddenley and she put her hand against the seat to brace against it. "This you," he said quickly. "$54.67. You pay $55."  
  
Rory pulled out her wallet and swiped her card. She scribbled her name on the slip of paper and hauled her baggage from the backseat. "Thankyou!" she cried as he sped off, hand heavy on the horn.  
  
She gripped the handle of her bag in one hand and the address in her other. She stared at the building. There was no doorman, but there was an alcove and a buzzer. She walked up the stairs and to the intercom. She read the names. Steph Elcot, M. Matrina. K & P Snith. J. Mariano.  
  
It was him. The number matched Luke's address. She pressed the button and held it down longer then she really needed to.  
  
"Who is it?" a voice barked back from the speaker. She managed a grin at the harshness and didn't hesitate to reply. "It's Rory Gilmore. Remember me?"  
  
There was a muffled stumbling sound. "Shit. Rory? Come on up, what are you doing here?"  
  
She pressed the button again. "Visiting. Buzz me in, Jess." The heavy deadlock buzzed and she pulled the door open. It was stiff and heavy, and she had to wedge herself to keep it open as she dragged her bags in behind her. "Floor 12, Apartment 123," she muttered as she stabbed the lift button aggressively. The doors slid open and a young man, half empty bottle of Coke in hand, stumbled out, winking at her. "G'm'rnin'," he slurred. "Good evening," she replied wryly. The door slid shut behind her, and she leant against the back wall, idly wondering whether her hair, newly cut a week ago, was messy.  
  
10, 11, 12. The lift stopped. The doors slid open and she looked down to grab her bag handles. When she looked up, Jess was walking towards her. She kicked her back from the lift and hugged him, slightly surprising him and causing him to stumble backwards a step.  
  
"Long time, no see,"  
  
She bent down and hoisted her bags onto her shoulder. "Yeah, well, shit happens when you're too cool to write to your old friends,"  
  
For a moment, he was taken aback. She looked like Rory, she smelt like Rory, but the words spewing forth from her mouth didn't sound like Rory. She looked back at him and grinned. "Four year changes a person. I swear now,"  
  
"Like a sailor?"  
  
She laughed and shook her head. "Like a schoolkid, really. But I shocked you, didn't I?"  
  
She'd grown up, she'd changed. Lost her innocence, certainly. But he liked the change. She didn't seem so fragile and fleeting now. Not breakable, but still breathtaking. He wished he could have been there to know why she changed, but that was past.  
  
"You've changed," he commented as he pushed his key into the lock.  
  
"We've all changed,"  
  
Jess took her bags and dropped them in the guest room without a second thought. "So you're in New York,"  
  
She sat down on his lounge, folding her legs beneath her and wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans. The apartment was sparse, but decorated nicely. Blacks, greys, whites and blues. It was spartan, male and lacked homey girly touches that she was familiar with. But it was nice and it was Jess and so she liked it. The old vinyl covers stuck on the walls in a checkpattern just added an off-beat charm.  
  
"I have a weeks holiday, and then I have a review to write of an arts festival. My first job,"  
  
"Freelance?"  
  
Rory shook her head. "No, I somehow managed to snare a job with a magazine called Found which covers the arts in the north-east area. It's based in Boston and New York. I'm based in Boston, and got sent here for my first job to check in with the head editor,"  
  
"Who's with you? Back with Dean?" he asked. He didn't care, not really. He'd moved on since the almost-maybe-could-have-been-love with Rory.  
  
"We broke up before I left for college, Jess. You've really been out of the loop," she paused to skim the back of a CD. "I'm flying solo. I thought I'd hang out by myself, get my head together, then knuckle down to work. How about you? Where are you working?"  
  
He lit a cigarette and put his feet up on the footrest. "Managing some bands for a friends label, running the business side of it sometimes. Trimester,"  
  
Rory nodded, ignoring the cigarette. They fell silent. Her brave optimism and steeled confidence was failing. He didn't know what to say.  
  
"I really missed you, Jess. I was so worried something was wrong, Luke called you, told me nothing was wrong. I thought you'd rejected me somehow; you did reject me. And then, things fell apart. Dean and I broke up, Luke and my mother got together, on and off and suddenley I sort of lost both of them, though I'll deny I ever said that. Lane hooked up with a guy called Stephan, and then you stopped writing," she drank from the glass on the table and grimaced momentarily when she realised it wasn't water, but finished it off anyway. "So, suddenley from being happy, in love and having cool friends and a cool mother, I was this pathetic eigtheen year old spending her weekends watching telemovies and counting the days to college down on a calendar. And then, I left, just like you did. Only I go back occasionally, rather then severing all ties,"  
  
Bitterness was starting to seep out from her walls. She refused to believe that she'd only visited Jess to rub her good life in his face, but there were things she wanted to say. She took a breath.  
  
"I'm sorry, Rory,"  
  
She closed her mouth and rolled the glass between her palms. "Yeah, you should be. . I refused to hear anyone talk about you for nearly two years. Then I met Matt and decided I was going to move on, even if it killed me. So I did, and now I've graduated, have a job and you're not dead, so I can tell Luke that and check into my hotel," she said quicklu, standing as she spoke. She put the glass onto the side table. "Nice seeing you Jess," she said softly.  
  
Within a few seconds, he was standing in front of her, holding her arms and kissing her. She closed her eyes, let her bags slide from her fingers and wrapped her arms around him. "This is wrong,"  
  
He rubbed her face with his and whispered into her ear. "At least you're not running,"  
  
She moaned in delight, "I should be,"  
  
"But you're not," He picked up the remote, flicked on the stereo and lay back on the couch, pulling her to him. The Beta Band filled the room and she closed her eyes, melting into him. "You've changed, Rory Gilmore,"  
  
She slid her hands underneath his shirt and grinned dreamily. "More then you know, Mariano," 


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: All characters, events, situations you recognise from the Gilmore Girls are not owned by myself. Notes: Again, I know little of New York, costs, etcetera. Any corrections would be great. Comments appreciated  
  
Thanks to Kristendotcom, Katem-23 and Rissy  
  
  
  
He woke up cold and alone, a thin cotton blanket covered him from his waist down. He could hear noise in the kitchen, the congested squall of his espresso machine and the clink of china on benchtops.  
  
The machine stopped suddenly and he heard the clink of metal on metal. He sat up and wrapped the blanket around him. Rory was sitting at the bench in the kitchen sipping her coffee, black as the night sky, and eating peanut paste on toast. She was already dressed and showered, with fresh jeans and her wet hair flat against her back. A large section of her shirt was darkened by the water from her hair.  
  
"Up early," he said dryly, as he put three slices of toast into the toaster. She smiled a little and took another bite of toast. There were black crumbs in the sink and a faint smell of burning lingered in the air. "It's 8 o'clock, Jess. I should go check into the hotel, start my holiday, start relaxing,"  
  
"Last night didn't relax you?"  
  
She stared mournfully into her coffee cup. "Well, I'm not denying it. It certainly dredged up a truckload of questions, though," she dusted the crumbs off her fingers.  
  
"I know,"  
  
The toast popped up and he covered it thick layers of Nutella. They ate breakfast in cold silence. Each carefully rinsing their plates and mugs, leaving them to drain on the sink. Jess lit up and tapped his ash into the drain. "Why are you here?"  
  
"Missed you," He nodded. "And also, holiday and work,"  
  
"Right. Work," Jess looked at his watch. "Which is really where I should be heading,"  
  
Rory nodded. "So...I'll give you my number. You can call me if you want to do something. If you want..."  
  
Jess exhaled sharply. "Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"I don't know. You didn't want to five years ago,"  
  
"Right," he said slowly, nodding, "Let's not get into this now. It can wait. I'll call you after work,"  
  
He walked with Rory to the door, put her bags in the cab and kissed her. She smiled at him when he pulled away. "You didn't have to stop,"  
  
Jess smirked and squeezed her hand. "Later,"  
  
- - -  
  
Rory sat cross legged in the middle of the double bed. It dipped like a saucer in the centre and she wondered whether this holiday would give her a bad back. She methodically crushed the scrap of paper in her hand and then unfurled it, smoothed it on her knee and crunched it again as she watched the afternoon news.  
  
She inwardly mocked herself; a bright day in New York and all she'd done was wander the streets close by the hotel and sit in her hotel room. The phone didn't ring. She picked it up and checked for dialtone. It was working, and hummed in her ear like a tiny jackhammer. Still it didn't ring. She stood up and stretched her legs. Her bag was by the door, and there was a park, coffee shop and museum close by. All which featured on the list of activities she'd drawn up on the plane in case Jess wasn't there.  
  
She waited a few minutes longer. And finally, she muttered "Screw this," and shoved her feet into her thongs and opened the door. She walked into the narrow hallway and pressed the down button for the lift. From there, she heard her hotel phone ringing.  
  
She grunted loudly in annoyance and fumbled as she opened the door. Finally, she heard the zip of the key going in and wrenched back the handle.  
  
"Hello?" she winced and reminded herself 'business trip', "I mean, Rory Gilmore speaking,"  
  
Rory listened. Rory waited. Rory spoke. "Um, hello?"  
  
"Rory. Jess."  
  
She closed her eyes, slightly annoyed, and slung her bag onto the bed. "Jess. Hi. What?"  
  
Jess smirked. "Very concise. I like that," she waited for him to continue and he waited for her response. "Tough crowd. Feel like a hot dog in the park?"  
  
"No, actually. A somewhat comfortable human in a hotel room," she bit back. She hadn't wasted a day for some not-so-witty repartee.  
  
"Is that a sarcastic response or a thinly veiled come-on?"  
  
She was sick of the teasing. "Jess, I was just about to go out. What is it that you really want?"  
  
"Good question...There's a free concert in the park tonight. We're going to get hot dogs, or even go somewhere to eat and then check it out. You in?"  
  
"One condition: this revival of whatever it is we have now doesn't end when I leave New York, and secondly-"  
  
"Only one condition,"  
  
"Secondly if this is going to be just a casual, while-I'm-in-town thing, you'll let me know now,"  
  
Jess was stunned silent for a few seconds. Rory Gilmore, aged 17, would never have even considered in engaging in a casual fling with him. "Uh, it's not,"  
  
"Good," she said, satisfied. "I'll meet you outside here in twenty minutes."  
  
Dial tone. Jess dropped the phone and turned to his long-time friend Jeff, was rolling a cigarette on his dining room table. "She's in. Go find a date."  
  
- - -  
  
Rory checked the clock as she dialled her home number. Hopefully, the brief message she'd left with Luke as she collected her bags at the airport would have satisfied her mother enough to save her from the endless accusations that she hadn't called.  
  
"Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking,"  
  
"Ugh, thank god you're not Michel-"  
  
"I do already,"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Thank god I'm not Michel,"  
  
"Again, what?"  
  
Lorelai sighed in mock annoyance. "I thank God that I'm not Michel,"  
  
Rory closed her eyes. "Okay,"  
  
"How's New York, Miss Gilmore?"  
  
"Good, Ms Gilmore. I haven't really done anything yet. Caught up on some sleep, got coffee,"  
  
"Ooh. Nice?"  
  
Rory bit her lip and glanced around, "I guess so,"  
  
Lorelai rambled on for a few minutes longer and Rory began to wonder whether Luke had kept his promise. As she'd left, she'd demanded that he not say a word about her seeking out Jess while she was in New York. She trusted him, but she also knew his weaknesses.  
  
"I was talking to Luke the other day," Lorelai said cautiously.  
  
"Hmm? Imagine that," Rory threw another top onto her bed with the growing pile of 'maybes'.  
  
"Did you find him yet?"  
  
Rory coughed in surprise. She was sure she had five minutes of beating around the bush from her mother before the killer question. "Him who?"  
  
"Come on, Rory. Don't mess around. Jess,"  
  
"Fine. Yes, I've seen him. In fact, we're going out tonight. He'll be here in about half an hour. It's been great. We're having fun. Please don't go nuts about this, because I won't listen this time,"  
  
"He disappeared on you, Rory," Lorelai said softly. "You can't just think he'll never do it again,"  
  
Rory sighed. "People change, Mum. We're not 17 now, I really doubt he's going to start drawing chalk outlines of bodies around New York. I'm sure he had his reasons,"  
  
Lorelai frowned and pulled a pillow into her lap. "You're really going to forgive him. Was that why you went there?"  
  
"Not entirely. But I've really missed him, and even if nothing works out, at least I can say I tried,"  
  
"And had a cool solo holiday in New York City, and bought your darling mother cool presents!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever,"  
  
"Be careful with this Jess thing, Rory. You know-"  
  
"I have to go, okay? I have to get dressed, I'll call you later,"  
  
"Have fun Rory-" she heard dialtone. "Damn." Why did she feel like the villain again? 


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: All characters, events, situations you recognise from the Gilmore Girls are not owned by myself. Notes: Again, I know little of New York, costs, etcetera. Any corrections would be great. Comments appreciated Email: amelia_aurora(at)hotmail.com  
  
Thanks to: Stew Pid, Emily, anonymous, and katem-23 (again :) ). And anyone else who reviewed. As for the meanness...well it's been four/five years...who wouldn't be pissed at the boy?! :)  
  
The plot thickens...Enjoy...  
  
Jess slouched against the lift wall as it crept up to the fifteenth floor. He was twenty minutes early, but he knew Rory wouldn't mind. Or, hoped she wouldn't.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
He leant closer to the door and spoke his name. The door opened, and for a split second he thought he was back in 2002. Barefaced, barefoot and dressed in jeans and a white singlet top, Rory looked like she was seventeen again. He smirked involuntarily.  
  
"There's been a change of plans,"  
  
She nodded and walked back into the room, gathering clothes as she went. The room was a mess; her belongings were strewn across the bed, plates sat unwashed in the sink and there was an unorganised stack of magazines beside the bed.  
  
"Nice room. Very neat," He cleared a space on the lounge and sat down.  
  
"So what's the plan?" Rory didn't care whether she lived in squalor or the kind of neatness that would put her grandmother to shame, but mess around strangers, even Jess, made her uncomfortable. Exposed.  
  
He watched her move. It had been a long time since he'd been in a position to just watch Rory Gilmore. She didn't have the freeness the other women in his life had; everything in her world was so controlled. She didn't have the 'I-don't-give-a-damn' attitude of his mother, nor the arrogant sexuality Marissa had possessed. But Rory seemed more natural; as though despite her extreme consciousness of her body movements, it was who she was, and not a mask for insecurity or inner crises.  
  
"The plan?" she asked again.  
  
He averted his eyes. "I'm going against my gender here, but we need to talk," he grimaced and the sound of his words, "Otherwise..."  
  
"Talk? Now?" Rory whispered. "Can't it wait a little longer Jess?"  
  
He shook his head. "I thought you would have wanted to thrash it out, anyway,"  
  
"I guess," she shrugged awkwardly. "I just don't want the talking to make us all angry and uncomfortable. I like things just...being,"  
  
"Just being is great, don't get me wrong," he amended, "But you're here for two weeks. If we don't get things right now..." he reached out and took her hand gently. "What about we talk over coffee and a walk in the park?"  
  
She looked at him for a moment. Truthfully, she was scared to talk. She was scared to find out things that she didn't want to know. She was terrified that their fragile situation would be broken if certain things were told. He stared back.  
  
"Fine. Make it a Coke instead and you've got yourself a deal."  
  
---  
  
"So why no coffee?" Jess asked as they walked along the winding path. He'd never expected a Gilmore to knock back a good cup of the stuff.  
  
Rory gave him a stunning smile. "I've cut back; three cups a day, no more, no less," He waited for an explanation silently. It was still the best way of getting her to talk. "The only good coffee near Harvard was still too far away to get when I wanted it, so I either had to cut back to one a day or drink the washing-up water they called coffee in the refectory," she gave him a mournful look. "No Luke's in Boston,"  
  
He shook his head. "No. No there isn't,"  
  
They walked in silence. He wanted to get it over with, the awkwardness was growing painful. But if he still knew Rory, he knew that pushing her too much would just make her run away.  
  
"It's really pretty around here,"  
  
Jess sighed and took another bite of his burger. He swallowed. Time was wasting. "Let's get this over with then,"  
  
She nodded slowly. "You first or me, or questions,"  
  
"Questions are good,"  
  
"And truthful answers. None of this silence bullshit,"  
  
"And no running," he countered. A jogger passed them by, panting heavily.  
  
Rory nodded again and bit her lip. A few seconds passed. "Why, Jess?"  
  
He sighed. "The short version or the long version?"  
  
"The real one,"  
  
He took a deep breath. "Cliff notes. I only barely passed my senior year. I had no money, no place to live after high school and no idea what I really wanted to do. Having you going on about how great it was to be accepted at so many Ivy Leagues made it really hard for me to think about anything other then the fact I'd never go to college. I couldn't afford it anyway, so I had to get a job," he reached for a cigarette automatically, but remembered Rory's disgust at the habit. "But whenever I told you I wasn't intending on going to college I always got a lecture which made me feel like an some uneducated freak. Basically. So I stopped writing, got my shit together, and I meant get back in touch, but...I thought you wouldn't care anymore. I'd treated you pretty badly, I thought you must've hated me,"  
  
"So, my fault?" Rory asked bitterly. "Come on,"  
  
"I didn't think I could do what I needed to with you on my back about college,"  
  
"It's important!" Rory protested automatically. She was hurt, angry but most of all, confused.  
  
"Yeah, to some people for some jobs. But I couldn't afford it. There was no way it was going to happen,"  
  
"You could have stayed with Luke,"  
  
"And worked in a diner for the rest of my life. What ambition!"  
  
"I'm sure you could have managed something," she said weakly. She wondered whether this really was just because of something as trivial as college.  
  
He shrugged. "I turned out fine, Rory," he noticed her face was downcast. "Hey. Don't feel bad, it's not your fault,"  
  
She picked up a stone and threw it into the lake. "Yeah, whatever,"  
  
"Rory, come on,"  
  
"No way, Jess!" she cried, pulling her arm away. "Are you really blaming me? Are you seriously telling me that you thought I wouldn't respect you or something if you decided not to go to college?"  
  
Emotion overcame him and he threw a stone at the bridge. It smacked off the metal and landed on the banks, scaring a flock of pigeons. "I'm not blaming you, I'm just giving my reasons. Imagine everyone was telling you not to go to college, and you really wanted to go. Are you telling me you'd just try not to let it bother you? You wouldn't start second guessing your decision? Maybe cave in?"  
  
She evaded the question. "Ask me something,"  
  
'Yeah, exactly,' Jess thought. He pushed his hands into his jeans pockets. "How many boyfriends since good old Bag Boy?"  
  
Rory smiled at the joke. "Two,"  
  
"Anything serious?" she stared into the distance.  
  
"One. One very serious,"  
  
"How serious are we talking here?"  
  
She sat heavily on the bench by the water and put her face into her hands. "I was engaged to Matt. We...decided it wasn't going to happen about three months ago,"  
  
Ducks swam by on the lake and neither spoke. Eventually, Jess sat down beside her and placed an arm around her shoulder awkwardly. "That sucks," she didn't answer, "It does, doesn't it?" She shrugged. "Okay."  
  
Rory wiped her eyes. "I was such a bitch, Jess. It was you, me and Dean all over again. Except this time it was completely my fault, completely unnecessary and everyone got hurt a lot more this time."  
  
He didn't know what to say, and instead remained silent.  
  
"I told him I still thought there was something with this other guy, and that I had to find out before I could marry him. That was four months ago,"  
  
Jess sat quietly. A thought occurred to him. "The other guy...?" Rory nodded slowly. She lifted her head and watched him through the tears welling in her eyes. "Oh. Wow. That's why..."  
  
"That's why." 


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I own nothing concerned with the Gilmore Girls, nor any products mentioned or copyrighted items.  
  
Thankyou for all the lovely reviews, they are greatly appreciated!! Cheers, guys! You know who you are!!  
  
- - -  
  
  
  
"Are you sure you won't come up?" Rory asked a final time as they lingered in the bright yellow light of the hotel lobby.  
  
He shook his head. Want was a different matter, but he knew he shouldn't go up. "Nah. Thanks, but I have some stuff to think about,"  
  
The receptionist smiled as she walked in from the breakroom. "Are you two okay there?" Jess nodded.  
  
"Yeah," Rory whispered, stepping closer. "Will you be okay walking home?" He smirked and nodded, choosing not to make a comment. "So...what now?"  
  
Neither knew the right words to say. Finally, Jess managed to formulate a plan. "Nothing happens tonight. Tomorrow, give me a call and we can go do something touristy if you like. Then I guess we just...be. Do whatever feels good,"  
  
The ringing of the hotel line startled them. Rory giggled slightly. After a few moments, Jess grabbed her hand, squeezed it and kissed her quickly on the mouth. "Tomorrow,"  
  
"Tomorrow," she echoed sadly.  
  
- - -  
  
On her way past the desk, she'd collected her messages. There were four, all from her mother and a note telling her there was something to be collected at the front desk. "It can wait," she muttered as she dropped her bag onto the clean coffee table.  
  
"Mmh, what?," her mother mumbled into the receiver.  
  
Rory laughed. "God, what happened to you?"  
  
"Rory!? It's midnight!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Midnight,"  
  
"Old woman," Rory teased. "I thought the 'please call urgently' meant just that,"  
  
Lorelai rolled onto her back. The TV was still flickering away with Luke nowhere to be seen. She held a faint memory of him packing it in and heading to bed at 10pm, leaving her with the movie. "Please call urgently in the morning,"  
  
Rory kicked off her jeans and crawled onto the bed. "What happened? Is someone sick? Dying? Are you pregnant?"  
  
"Matt called."  
  
She stilled and took a long, deep breath. Matt. Her fiancé, or ex-fiancé. "Matt called,"  
  
"Yep. Sounded serious. All very 'Rory has to call me, its extremely important Ms Gilmore. Please make sure she gets this message as soon as possible'," she dropped the fake voice. "So, are you going to call?"  
  
"Tonight?" Rory asked, deflecting the question, "No, it's too late," Lorelai waited for her to continue. "I don't know what to say to him, Mum. 'Hey, still not sure, check back in a month', 'Oh, I'm really sorry, hold up your life a little longer while I make up my mind'?"  
  
In Stars Hollow, her mother hugged a cushion and reached for her glass of water. "I don't know, sweetie. What do you want to do? Imagine no-one got hurt,"  
  
No-one getting hurt was an impossibility. So far, things with Jess seemed good. But what would happen when she returned to Boston? In four months time? Matt's offer was here and now, and she was happy when she was with him. But there was always that question of 'what if' sitting in the back of her mind. Niggling at her thoughts. Eating away at her.  
  
"What if...I take a chance on Jess, and in six months I'm wishing I hadn't? What then? I've ruined my chance with Matt,"  
  
"Or what if, in six months, you realise you're still thinking of Jess as you start to walk down the aisle?"  
  
"Not helping. You're meant to say 'pick Jess' or 'pick Matt'," Rory wailed desperately.  
  
Lorelai closed her eyes in sympathy for her daughters anguish. "I can't do that for you, sweets. Think about this; you've been without Matt for four months. How would you feel if you never saw Jess again?"  
  
A tear dribbled down her cheek. "I'd hate it,"  
  
They sat in silence for a moment, each taking it in. "I think you've made your decision, babe. Just go with it. Que sera sera,"  
  
Eventually, they said their goodbyes, and Lorelai left Rory to her thoughts. It was going to be a long night. 


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: I own nothing concerned with the Gilmore Girls, nor any products mentioned or copyrighted items.  
  
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-o-O-o-  
  
Sleep had eluded her. Despite her best attempts; warm milk, a hot bath, counting sheep and reading her dullest book, she had only managed to catch a few hours sleep as morning caught up with her. By 6am, she was dressed and eating the breakfast room service had delivered. It was nearly 8am in Boston, and it was a Saturday. Assuming nothing had changed, Matt would just be getting in from his morning run with the paper. Assuming nothing had changed.  
  
She dialled quickly, and left herself no time to change her mind. It rang and rang and rang. Finally, he picked up. She could hear the sounds of the morning getting started in the background; there was music playing and a woman was singing. She didn't recognise the song, but the voice was familiar.  
  
The conversation was as brief as it could be. Neither Matt nor Rory felt had ever felt comfortable discussing matters of the heart over the phone. But they were miles away, both in heart and physicality and the phone was the only practicality.  
  
"I've been seeing someone, Rory," he said softly, as though he was scared of breaking the news. "It's been two months now,"  
  
Rory sucked in a breath. Despite her own actions, her own choices, she still felt stung. Jealous.  
  
"Who is she?"  
  
"Do you remember Zoë?"  
  
Zoë Heckeler. Rory remembered her. The infamous ex-girlfriend, the first love. In Matt's words a few weeks after they met, before any romance was on the horizon, he had told her they only broke up so she could spend a year in Italy. Zoë, the girl who was so wonderful, so memorable that Matt still remembered to send her a birthday present every June, no matter where she was.  
  
"Zoë, sure," Rory mumbled. "That's, um...great," She fumbled through her bag for some mints. "Will you call me every Christmas?"  
  
"What? I didn't catch that, Ror,"  
  
"Nothing," she said. "I'm really happy for you, Matt. I know you guys were...good,"  
  
"I have some other news, too, but I'll save it for next time. I really need to get back to the eggs or they'll burn,"  
  
Rory sighed and kicked a magazine off the lounge. "Yeah, okay," They lulled into silence.  
  
"I think we're doing the right thing, Rory," he said finally.  
  
Rory closed her eyes against the tears. It was all ending. "So do I. Bye Matthew,"  
  
"Goodbye Rory,"  
  
She lay down on her bed, clutched the pillow and cried.  
  
- - - At nine o'clock, she had dried her tears and showered. With fresh resolve and a blank page ahead of her, she dressed and focused on food.  
  
The walk to the bagel stall passed in a daze. She felt mixed emotions. Part of her felt a huge weight lifted by Matt's relationship with Zoë; it meant she hadn't broken his heart as brutally as suspected. On the other hand, it had sealed their fate. It was over. Over completely. Three years of history, of intimacy, had vanished when she'd told him she needed to take a break and sort something out. She took the buttered bagel from the brown paper bag, sat on the steps of a nearby building. It was crunchy and heavy and doughy. The only thing that could make it better was a tall, steaming mug of coffee, freshly brewed by Luke.  
  
She closed her eyes and imagined herself back in Stars Hollow. Sitting in the diner, Jess and Lane beside her, sipping coffee and eating black forest cake. Laughing with Luke and her mother. She could imagine the smell and taste of the coffee, the feeling of homeliness and warmth. Familiarity. Matt had loved Stars Hollow during his visits, but never felt at home there. It was always a novelty to him, a holiday destination, nothing more. It wasn't Jess's home either, now. But at least he had roots there.  
  
With a slight groan, Rory got to her feet and threw the bag in the bin. She had a call to make. 


End file.
